


one of you, two of us

by esnoyuuutsu



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, and if u happen to enjoy it in spite of this then thank you, au where july is supposed to be a replacement for hajime in the organisation idfk, august is actually only mentioned but you know how it is he's just always there in their thoughts, look i wrote this for myself and like two other people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25721182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esnoyuuutsu/pseuds/esnoyuuutsu
Summary: ♪♫ We share some facial features ♪ and yet the feeling lingers ♫ we're just about as different as anyone can be ♪♫"nov what the hell is this" yeah
Relationships: August/July (A3!), Yukishiro Hajime/August (A3!), Yukishiro Hajime/July (A3!)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	one of you, two of us

**Author's Note:**

> i have no excuses for myself. i'm not even going to explain anything. you've heard of "hajime and july/august are the same person" now here's "they're all separate but also are they?"

As far as he can recall—which isn’t saying much, since he rarely remembers anything—July’s life doesn’t belong in his own hands.

Naturally, it lies in those of the Organisation, but even then, he's only borrowing his existence from someone else.

"Oh, come in. Don't just stand there."

July does as he's told, just as he should. The man sitting in the hospital bed waves him over, smiling warmly with a face that mirrors his own. He takes the offered seat at the bedside, trying his best not to stare.

It's said that seeing your doppelganger is a sign of bad luck. In their case, there's no way of telling what’s worse—July lives every day knowing it could be his last, and he doesn't think anything of it. On the other hand, if he proves to be a useful substitute, he'd be putting the original out of a purpose.

"It's nice to meet you," he says. July nods.

His smile drops as he adds, "Even if you're replacing me and taking over my life."

When July's eyes widen, he laughs, softly smacking the sheets in amusement. "I'm just kidding. I mean, that is what you're doing, but I'm not mad."

...what a strange person.

"July—"

He frowns. "You're July now, aren't you? We can't just go around calling each other the same name. It'll be too confusing."

July doesn't quite agree. After all, the two of them are meant to be the same person, aren't they? But July supposes he may as well humour him. "What do I call you, then."

The other him takes a second to consider this, and poses a question. “I can trust you, can’t I? Since we’re one and the same anyway.”

“I guess.”

“You guess?”

“...yes.”

Laughing, he nods. “You’re not instilling a lot of confidence here, but I’ll take it.” He gestures for July to take his hands, which he obediently does. “This is just between us. Just for when you’re in here with me. Got it?”

“Understood.”

“...you can call me Hajime.”

July tilts his head, turning Hajime’s hands over in his own. “Alright...Hajime.” The name feels strange in his mouth, the taste of a clear demarcation between the two of them despite occupying the same space in the universe. But if it’s what Hajime wants, then July figures he should do it.

That’s the only reason he exists.

* * *

“How is my life treating you, July?”

Bright and chipper as ever, Hajime asks for his latest dose of vicarious living.

“...is it okay if I complain.”

“Ooh!” He leans closer to July, resting his chin on his hands. “Something got _you,_ of all people, worked up? I’ve got to hear this.”

Picking apart a flower he’d absently taken from the vase left for Hajime, July frowns. “How do you stand being around August all the time. He’s insufferable.”

Hajime blinks, speechless for a few moments before bursting into laughter. “Is he? I always thought he was the one who thought I was annoying.”

“He’s always hanging around me, asking how I am, being all friendly and touchy. I don’t like it.” July twists the stem between his fingers.

“Oh, July...I didn’t realise you felt that way.” Hajime sits up straight, lips curling into a pout. “It sounds like he’s picked up a lot of things from me in my absence...do you not like me either, then?”

“...wait.”

The thought of upsetting Hajime this way sparks something in the recesses of July’s cloudy empty skull, and he shakes his head, sweeping the torn petals from his lap into the trash. “That’s different. He’s just a poor imitation of you.”

Though July leaves it unspoken, Hajime finishes the rest of the thought. “And that’s your job, is it?”

"...exactly."

What he doesn’t expect is for Hajime to reach out, his hand close to the face they share, and pause. “May I?”

July nods, for lack of a better response.

Hajime’s hand is warm. “I think you’re doing a great job so far. From what you’ve told me, anyway.”

“Ah. Thank you.” The two of them always seem to find the quickest way of taking July’s words from him—he already has enough trouble as it is trying to figure out how to process the world around him, and here are August and Hajime, doing their best to add to his confusion.

“It’s funny...he used to be more like you.” Hajime’s expression shifts, his hand sliding away from July’s cheek. “He’s changed a bit, then. Do you...do you think that he knows?”

July considers the way August behaves around him—his prying questions, the way his eyes burn into July when he’s turned away, the way he smiles as if to say ‘I know something that you don’t,’—and hesitantly nods. “If he doesn’t already, he might suspect it.”

“Always too nosy for his own good, that man.” Hajime sighs. “It’ll get him killed someday.”

Silently, July agrees.

* * *

Hajime’s room is always a little oasis of mundane activity. July’s never fond of acting like a human, but as always, if it’s what Hajime wants, he’ll reluctantly follow along.

Today, it’s colouring books.

“It is kind of childish, I guess,” says Hajime, scribbling with a coloured pencil. “I don’t really have a whole lot of other things to entertain myself with in here, though. Can’t just be working all the time. We all need rest, even agents.”

His explanation doesn’t quite go through July’s head as he focuses on filling in the spaces, neatly staying within the lines. As he colours, Hajime suddenly stops.

“July? You’re left-handed?”

Is he? July looks down at his hands, and indeed, the pencil is in his left. Hajime puts his own hand out, and before he can say anything, July’s already holding on to it.

“...we really are different, aren’t we.” Hajime sounds distant, and as July squeezes his hand, he realises just how much colder his are in comparison.

If July is only a copy of Hajime, as he changes, he drifts further and further away from his intended origin—lost at sea, washed away with every wave. They were never that similar to begin with, aside from the face that July had to put on. When you’re already a stranger to yourself, should it be any easier to become someone else?

He can comfortably become an actor when required, out in the world, and it's only with Hajime that he becomes an empty doll. Perhaps there can only be one, he supposes.

Hajime still hasn’t let go of his hand. “I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, July.”

“If you say so.”

“When are you going to do something for yourself not just cause I tell you to, huh?” Hajime smiles, but there’s something else again—this time, July just barely manages to identify it as sorrow.

He really doesn’t understand.

* * *

“...August knows.”

“‘Hello, Hajime. How are you today?’ Aw, thanks, Jul! I’m doing okay, as well as I can considering, you know how it is.” Hajime’s impression of July’s voice is eerily accurate, and for a moment July’s overcome with another reminder that he’s not even a _good_ forgery of a person.

“Are you done?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to give it a try.” All of a sudden, Hajime’s energy has dropped in a matter of seconds. “Did he ask you who you are and what you’ve done with me, just like in the movies?”

July shakes his head, the new weight from his ears a strange sensation. He leans down just as Hajime reaches up, tracing the little silver moon with his fingertips.

“...he gave you these? And you’re actually wearing them, too. Glad you finally realised it’s okay to be a little soft sometimes.”

“He insisted.” July isn’t going to include the part where August told him they could be a reminder of himself—that July was his own person, not Hajime, even as they were viewed as one and the same.

_I think I know how you feel, July. You want to keep him safe, don’t you? This whole time, you were alone, and you found someone important to you._

_...you don’t know anything about me._

Despite his misgivings about August, he takes out a small box and hands it to Hajime.

"For me?" Hajime readily accepts, opening the box to reveal a pair of earrings to match July's, the stars shining behind the moon.

"...he's...why you're in here, isn't he."

Hajime looks up, eyes wide like a startled animal. "I...well...yes." He breathes, in and out. "Maybe it's why he won't leave you alone either."

They're both silent, but as Hajime snaps the box shut, wordlessly clutching it to his chest, July feels...something else, again. Cold, bitter. _What is he to you?_

He doesn't know what it's called.

* * *

"One day, the cost of keeping me alive is going to be more than what I'm worth. You know that, right?"

"Yes," July says. He's been aware of the possibility from the start—Hajime usually just tells him they've stayed the same way for so long because July's a bit...dim, and can't permanently take Hajime's place just yet. And then he'd laugh, entirely without malice.

But the look in Hajime's eyes now is once again of sadness. "Oh, look at you, shaking your head. Come here."

July moves closer, letting Hajime lay a hand on his face, threading his fingers through his hair—the only person who can do so without July attempting to return the gesture with violence. "When that day comes, I want you to do...whatever you want."

"But I don't want anything." If anything, July's only want is to exist—he does his work as he should, living every day for the Organisation and the man in front of him. He's not a person, he has no desires of his own—at least not any he’s willing to admit.

"Nothing? You’d be able to live without my shadow hanging over you.”

Frowning, July shakes his head even as he leans in to Hajime’s touch. “I’m fine this way.”

“Jul…” Hajime pulls him closer, July’s head resting on his shoulder. “Things don’t always stay the same. Even you—no, especially you—have to change, since you were meant to be me. You might’ve started out that way, but you’ve already walked down your own path. And that’s okay.”

“I died a long time ago. You deserve a chance to be someone else.”

“...I don’t want it.” July wraps his arms around Hajime. They were trained in the same way, but Hajime’s time out of commission has made him feel so fragile, like he’ll shatter if July makes one wrong move. “If I act as a fake you, then I can protect the real you. That’s...that’s what I want.”

August tells him things like this as well—asking what he used to be, what he thinks it would be like living outside of the Organisation—and when he answers, it’s never so honest. There’s a noise of surprise from Hajime, and when he laughs, it’s tinged with something that pierces July’s empty chest. “Of all the things you’d want...why does it have to be that?”

Maybe he does understand August a little. There _is_ someone he wants to protect, someone real, not just a vision of the future, an abstract ideal.

Hajime sighs fondly. “You’re really so stubborn, Jul. But I like that part of you too.”

“Haji…”

A nickname, to match the one Hajime had taken to calling him. It feels different from just their own names—an affirmation in July’s mind that the way the two of them knew each other would always be different from the way he and August knew each other, or even how August and Hajime knew each other.

The two of them are different.

And yet, July lives the life of another, for the sake of that which he holds most dear. The other half of his existence, a mirror being pieced back together.

“...I like you.”

“Oh? I’m glad! I like you a lot, Jul.”

No one else, no one else is the same as them.

**Author's Note:**

> haha but if august took his current personality from hajime, and july is meant to be haji but acts more like how august used to then--
> 
> smacks liber with a net. please free me.
> 
> if you wanna yell at me i'm at esnoyuuutsu on twitter as well !


End file.
